a hate letter to an anonymous no one in particular.

if perhaps, one day this letter falls into your hands, thank fate truth has reached your futile offering of friendship and the understatement of your being as an asshole.

first of all, if you really love someone YOU do not make them feel like an annoying useless piece of little shit. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want to feel that, would you? Syempre ayaw mo yun maramdaman lalo na kung yung nagpaparamdam sayo nun yung minamahal mong tao. When you said “I Love You” it was either just false and you abused those words or you’re that of a douchebag. though evidences point that it’s the latter.

believe me, i did try to understand you. i did. you know that. everyone knows that. i did try to understand you and did a whole lot more. yet, you were that big of an asshole to act like a kid and choose to put off this obvious growing gap between us. okay, your choice. your life naman eh. sayang ka lang kung lahat ng babae ganyan ang pagiging trato mo. pero lol oks lang sa akin. wala na naman tayong kaugnayan sa isa’t isa eh.

when i started approaching you after all things ended, it was because i genuinely wanted to recover the friendship and foster it into just being really good friends. nothing more and nothings less. do you think i’d actually give you a second chance when your attitude and problems are still the same? no. i’m not that stupid nor that kind. yes, humans are imperfect. but they can be kind and good. and unfortunately, what you showed me is opposite of what is kind and good. so i will show what you deserve as well. i’m pretty much through with playing the nice girl, and i have also disregarded any use of you in the present and as well as in the future. like what everyone is saying, there is still a far road ahead of me containing new events and people. it’s not like i’d dwell on your forever or a long time, the very least.

it’s quite sad how you’ve changed. people usually change for the better. i guess you have to go out over the long route. but i guess that’s okay, you’ll pick up experiences there too. sometimes, i wonder if there was anything else, other than being ‘makulit’ (in a playful manner), that had you change so much in a short span of time. it’s really sad. to see someone with a great potential to become basically useless just like that.

second term is about to end. we have the same set of friends. i can’t mingle with them as much as i want to because it’s just “unnatural” (as you may say) for us to be in a conversation together. o sige, sayo na muna sila. i get my time with them too. i still have others. pero ikaw, hm. ano kaya. here’s the deal. no matter how much i want to look at our block in the most positive light, you still manage to shine through with that fucked up attitude of yours. it’s bittersweet to have this term come to an end. but then again, it’s for the better for EVERYONE.

there seems to be a good and a not so good side about you, as it stands. i’ll always look and hold on to that good side of you who came through with a wonderful batch of memories. i’ll always remember that, i promise. certainly, the you back then will always be one of my happy thoughts. very happy thoughts. but this not so good side, is when you treated me like shit. so. i kind of want to drown that side of you to death. basically. and forget about you and everything else in between.

i find it quite sad after seeing people become bitter over someone they love for some mundane reason. at a certain moment in your life, you did feel something real for that person. i don’t think you should carry over hatred and bitterness towards that person. i’m pretty sure everyone would like to move on with their life, so staying bitter is not an option for that. fret not, before you conclude i am a hypocrite.  this letter isn’t supposed to release my bitterness. i solemnly swear upon the resonance of clicking keys from my keyboards under the moonlit night, i am not bitter. i am happy that it happened. that we happened. that everything happened, even when we ended it. it’s alright. do not fret. i’m merely disappointed of the after effects of the ‘we happened.’ very disappointed. hah. disappointment’s an understatement, honestly: since both of us promised each other we’d still be friends even if it did not work as we planned it to be. my mistake for having faith on your words.

you said that keeping distance is natural for you. well here is what is natural for me: writing my feelings. expressing them. i’m merely human. i have my limits too. i’m flawed. i know that. you’re flawed as well. and this is probably one of the reasons of your flaws.

i won’t even bother sugarcoating it, but basically this is it: i hate your balls-less guts. grow some balls, then let’s talk.

capiche.

p.s. when there is hate, there was love. 

p.p.s.  no matter how much fond of the memories i am, i guess this is going to be your last impression until your next move.

that is if it will ever happen. 

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